The Couple's Guide to a Good Time in a Porn Theater

I need to vent a bit. I just spent a weekend heavily immersed in Adult Theater activity. I watched dozens of couples, scores (if not hundreds) of guys, two threesomes and three CDs drift in and out of three different theaters in two different cities over the course of three days. Every one of them comes for their own reasons, looking for their own kicks, and hoping to have a memorable experience. Many, but not all, go home happy. A good number go home unsatisfied because they shot themselves in the foot. Some, sadly, go home frustrated because of the actions of others. Let me be clear, before I am accused of whining because I was one of the frustrated: This weekend (at least) that was not the case. I was a very fortunate patron at all three establishments. I simply share my observations as a porn theater veteran, based on what I observed over the weekend, and what I have seen over the years, going solo, with a woman, and with other couples.

Rubenesque Blonde Makes Hubby Happy in Waverly, VA.

Not Vanessa, but you get the idea.

The painting to the right is called Venus at the Mirror. It was painted in 1615 by a cat named Peter Paul Rubens. I mention this only so that you will understand what I mean when I say she was "rubenesque", just like Venus on your right. Peter Paul preferred his women with curves. He would have loved Vanessa (named changed to protect the less-than-innocent).

I met Vanessa on a rainy night in Waverly, Virginia, about an hour from Richmond at the Waverly Book and Video store. It was storming like crazy as I arrived, and I nearly turned back, thinking that no couple would be coming out in this kind of weather. I'm glad I decided to stay.

I had been sitting in the theater with two other guys, listening to the rain pound on the roof as two black guys pounded a giggly blonde on the screen, for about a half an hour when Vanessa and her husband walked in. As I say she was "rubenesque," yet she carried it well. Somehow, her blonde hair seemed to have survived the deluge. The dark colored wrap dress she was wearing didn't fare as well. Even in the darkness of the theater you could see that it was clinging to her in ways that is was not intended to do. The dress revealed a fair amount of cleavage, and a good bit of her ample, yet shapely leg. She was comfortable on her high heels, which resulted in a nice curve in her nylon-covered calves.

Ma and Pa Come to Town - And Visit a Porn Theater

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Asian Woman Brings GFE to Porn Theater Sex

Let’s be clear. Porn theater sex is dirty. That’s part of the appeal. If we wanted roses, chocolates, champagne and heart-shaped beds we would be somewhere else. The thrill, of course, is doing what you are not supposed to, with someone you’re not supposed to do it with, in a place where you aren’t supposed to do it. On top of that, a lot of porn theaters are dirty. Not all, of course, but many. So dirty sex in a dirty place usually does not lead to what hookers refer to as “the girlfriend experience”. There is no cuddling afterward. Nobody asks “was it good for you?” It’s all about the pure animal act. It is usually fast, often uncomfortable and always without emotion.

Almost always. If I ever saw a woman who made porn theater sex sensuous, tender and GFE-like, it was a memorable little Asian chick in Tampa.

"Shocking" Undercover Video of Sex in Porn Theaters

The first thing that I noticed about this report on the 15th Avenue Bookstore in a Chicago suburb is that it was done in February. That's typical. Known as "Sweeps Month" this is when local news programs are doing all they can to attract viewers so they can set their ad rates as high as possible. If they were that shocked, they would have aired this the first day they heard about it.

Even better, was the mayor's request for a copy of the video. I bet hizhonor (like the rest of us) would prefer to see the unedited version for his "probing investigation".

By the way. Four years have passed since this report aired, and 15th Ave. is doing more business than ever. If you are ever in the midwest, you need to stop in, as you can plainly see in the video.

A First Date at the Art Theater in Hartford, CT

For some time I have been hearing about the Art Theater in Hartford. The reviews have been effusive with praise. I figure that any place that can make Dr. Emilio Lizardo fly half-way across the country must be worth checking out, so I did. I was not disappointed. It took me back to my earliest days of prowling adult theaters, when the majority of them were renovated (or not so renovated) movie houses from days gone by.

This is a real theater. Lobby, popcorn machine, balcony, big screen. A theater. A building originally designed to show movies in a comfortable environment. Management has pretty much restored it to its Art Deco glory. It is clean, well run and very couple-friendly.

I had the pleasure of accompanying Denise to the Art.  I met her through Ashley Madison (which has been one of my better “fishin’ holes” of late) and after chatting long-distance she agreed to join me on the night that I visited Hartford for the express purpose of checking out the Art. We had a “getting to know you” meal and a drink before making our way to the theater. It was her first experience with adult entertainment in a public setting so I was hoping that everything that I had read about the place was accurate. She was more than a little nervous about her first time, I was fairly certain that it wouldn’t have taken much to cause her to recant her decision and disappear into the Connecticut night. After a warm and professional welcome from the management, and a brief overview of the operation, we entered the theater and made our way directly to the couples-only balcony.

Worth the Wait at Fantasyland in Tampa

Fantasyland continues to provide a clean, comfortable place for couples (and others) to play, offering a nice variety of venues under one roof. Up front there is a bright, clean, well-stocked adult store. Off the sales floor, there are three major areas. First is the infamous pool room, which is large enough for four tables, plus scattered chairs and three TV screens. The night I was there, a bowl game was playing on one, making it a pretty popular place, even though few people were actually shooting pool. I’m not sure if it was some sort of a special occasion, but there was pizza available to the patrons in there, too.